Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Working for a Living or Living for Work


Current Mood: Introspective
Song: Lightning Crashes - Live
Units of Caffeine: 4
New Favorite Phrase: "Oh my dammit!"

Last night K said something to me in passing that really put me on the pensive side: "I haven't seen you happy in quite some time." It's not to say that I ignore K, but usually I just shrug off things said about me in passing like that. But I really thought about it because, admittedly, I have felt like I've been in a constant state of being in a bad mood. I've noticed that I've been snippy at Lestat for no reason at all and I really didn't know why. I do have a theory, though: I am constantly working! During the academic year, I'm busy with school, work and any theatre/art project that I am taking on and then there is the summer: the busiest time of the year for my office. In fact, use of vacation time is severely limited and even discouraged during the summer. With this kind of a schedule it is easy to see that I have not taken a vacation in two years. Yes, I took four weeks of vacation time to go to Ireland in January, but it kind of defeats the purpose when you're taking the time to just do more work. I cam back from Dublin desperately needing a vacation, but for obvious reasons, couldn't take one. I even decided to be a masochist and start stage managing a show less than a week after I returned from Ireland. But I guess the thing I hated the most after returning was the response I got after saying that I needed a vacation: "Didn't you just spend a month in Ireland?" This response came from the people who knew I was working my ass off mounting a new show over there.

So, six months ago I was in desperate need of a vacation and I still haven't taken one - You can just imagine what I feel like now! Weekends just don't cut it anymore. I come into work on Monday not feeling refreshed, like I should. Instead I have this burning desire to rip out the entrails of those who make the slightest attempt to speak to me on Monday morning. 3-day weekends don't do it either; they just feed my appetite for more time off.

Another thing that I have come to realize is the amount of work that I'm expected to do does not fit the rate of return. I make enough money to make ends meet, and that's about it. And, not to boast or anything, but my boss knows that I am an intelligent multitasker and way overqualified for the position that I have and gives me quite a bit of responsibility - more so than the average Joe that would normally have this job. Whereas I appreciate it that she is thinking of me and such, I really hate (a) having this much responsibility/stress on a daily basis and (b) not getting paid for it. My boss has even admitted that she is going to take away many of the tasks and responsibilities that I do when I leave and someone else takes the position.... and that person will get paid the same amount of money I get paid now.

I hate having these feelings, especially when I normally love my job - I mean it's not meaningless work and it gives me the flexibility to take classes and do theatre - and I could not ask for more support from my coworkers. I just need to get away! I am really looking forward to fall beings here - done with the busy season; done with the heat; maybe living a somewhat normal life (even though I've said that for years now!); and taking a vacation!