Patience

Mood: Meh
Song: Praying for Time - George Michael
Units of Caffeine: 0.5
Days Until Vacation: 5

Right now I'm waiting - Waiting to get my hair cut. Waiting for my vacation to begin. Waiting to move. Waiting for the next chapter of my life to begin.

I have never been very good with waiting. Many people tell me that I have a lot of patience, and I like to believe that I do - but, with regards to waiting - not so much. Because I feel that I am in a constant state of waiting right now, and due to a bunch of other stress in my life, I have becomes rather bithcy, mean and bitter. I have noticed myself projecting so much of these attitudes onto other people, and it's so out of character with me. I keep saying statements like, "One week until I'm on vacation!" and "I can't wait for this vacation!" over and over again. It is, without a doubt, something that K and I both need. K is under a great deal of stress as well and, whenever it happens where the planets align in such a way that both of us are under stress, sparks fly. It will be so nice to decompress in a few days.

But then I begin to worry about things beyond the vacation. This vacation is what's keeping me going right now - It's my only bit of motivation. The next thing I have to look forward to won't happen for several more months. Thus I have come to a decision: I am going to plan for several weekend trips during the summer. Of course, they won't be as amazing and decedant as the cruise, but it will be several ways for me and K to just get away from our everyday lives; to not just be within the monotenous day-to-day pattern; and, most importantly, to give us little things to look forward to in order to keep our motivation and spirits up.

In the mean time, I need everyone to send lots of positive energy my way in order to keep from killing anyone prior to my vacation.

My Weekly Blog

Mood: Tired
Song: Someday - Glass Tiger
Units of Caffeine: 0
Days Until Vacation: 11

I'm extremely tired and haven't had my morning fix of filtered, ground Columbian goodness yet, so please excuse anything that reads weird. You know, it's sad that I have gotten to a point in my life where writing has taken such a back burner in my life that I only do it every week or so. I'm sure that there aren't as many people reading this damn thing anymore - but that isn't as important to me as it is for me to actually sit down and write. During the day, I am completely saturated with work, and at night I come home so exhausted and drained that all I want to do is fall asleep. I usually take a short nap when I come home, but then I get up and do what seems to be the neverending task of housework. I am putting my house on the market within the next couple of months, so I'm making a conascious effort to clean, organize, and throw things out. Taking on this task is also pretty freaking exhausting. Since K and I are focusing our energies into cleaning and perparing for an eventual garage sale, we've decided to hire some contractors to take on some of the home improvement projects that need to be done to ensure a smooth sale. Right now were just getting a bunch of estimates and bids and we'll begin the actual work when we get back from our vacation.

Vacation - Now there's something that I can't get my mind off of right now. For the past week and a half all I can do is read about the places K & I will be going within some of the spare seconds I have within the day.

Punishment for the Reliable, Proficient Worker

Mood: Still waking up
Song: The Lazarus Heart - Sting
Units of Caffeine: 2
Days Until Vacation: 19

As I was logging into Blogger this morning, I had this image of me walking into a house - exhausted, tired and beat - while Blogger was sitting on the couch, looking at me with an accusing look, asking, "Well, well, well.... And where exactly have you been?"

Gawd, how things in the office have changed! I remember when there was a time that I really liked my job: It gave me so much flexibility and my boss was so supportive with everything that I did. Well, my boss is still very supportive, but just doesn't have an effing clue how much she is making my life miserable. Over the past x years that I have worked here, I have proven myself to be extremely responsible; so much so that my boss has relied on me to do a lot of tasks that fall outside of my typical job description. Until recently, I've never really minded picking up these added tasks - I'm not one to just stick my nose up at some added work and say, "That's not my job." I guess I am very team-oriented that way. But, as they say, there is no "I" in team. So, when I'm getting relied upon to carry the majority of the responsibilities associated with the office, while others around me come in late; leave early; jerk around and not do anything to pull their weight - You can see how this can really rub me the wrong way. Over the past few weeks, I have been asked to put in some overtime hours (read: compensated with comp time; not overtime pay), and stay late to cover the closing shift. Initially, I didn't really mind too much because (a) I knew it would be a temporary thing and (b) It gave me added time in which to try to catch up on my seemingly bottomless in-box full of work. This week will be week number four of helping out with the closing shift. I have noticed that no-one else has been asked to cover the closing shift, and I'm pretty sure I know why - I've noticed that, (aside from my boss), I am the only one who comes in on time. I have also noticed that I am the least likely to call in late or sick. (I think for every one time I call in sick; my colleagues call in 4 or 5 times). So, I feel that because I am the only one who seems to be responsible, that my boss relies on me and only me to do all the added tasks. Therefore, I am being punished for being a really good worker. And as for the whole "comp time" thing - I don't see what the point is of getting comp time when I am given little to no opportunity to use it. Just the other day, I was running a little late and called my boss to let her know I would be 5 or 10 minutes late, (which is still considered "early" as compared to my colleagues.) And she said that she was worried for a moment that I was calling in sick and even went so far as to say, "...the office just doesn't run without you." Had she said something like this a year or two ago, I think I would have been flattered - but now, it's just further proof of how much I am depended upon. I have never heard my boss say that to any of the other staff. They just call in and my boss says, "Okay," and it's done. And almost every time I have called in sick, I've been called by my boss and/or co-workers about various things; (this has also happened the last three times I've been on vacation). No one would ever think about calling any of the other staff if/when they call in sick or are on vacation. One of the things I am looking forward to with the upcoming cruise I am taking is just being cut off from the rest of the world. And one of the things I am looking forward to this fall is leaving.