One Step Closer

Mood: Overwhelemed
Song: Midnight Voyage - Michael Brecker
Units of Caffeine: 5

"M" Day.

It's about three and a half months away and K and I are really starting to feel the adreneline rush right now. Not only do we have so much to do; but we're not exactly sure of the process. I mean, it's easy to say we need to sell our house, get jobs and then move our asses up to Seattle. But do you know what that entails? I mean it! Do you know what that entails? How much time, energy and money that involves???

I think K and I are doing well - I mean, it's taking a while to get the ball rolling; but it's a pretty large ball and it is moving. K and I just need to remember to breath slowly and NOT look at the big picture. Looking at the big picture of this thing is like being on a tightrope suspended over the Sears Tower and looking straight down.

The good news is that we have a budget. Up until now we just had a pile of money and the vague goal of moving. Now it feels that much more realistic - To actually see how much we're investing in this adventure. Gawd, am I ready!

When Will This End

I was talking with my friend, Lestat this afternoon and we started talking about books we're reading this summer. (Ah! Summer reading!) Last summer I was so busy with planning my thesis project that I didn't have time to read anything for pleasure. I'm reading Michael Crichton's State of Fear right now, but I started thinking about all the other books that I want to read that I never got a chance to do over the past four or five years. And as I began thinking, Lestat rattled off this list of theatre books and plays he is reading. And as he did that, the first thought that came to my mind was, "Why would you want to read about that!?" But, I remember when I was like Lestat - When I just couldn't soak up enough knowledge about theatre - I enjoyed it SO much - I never had time to read books because I was reading so many plays; and I didn't mind that. Now I just don't want to do it. I felt so burned out this past December, when I completed my Masters program; but I thought that I would lose this feeling in one, maybe two, months. But here I am - almost six months later, and I still feel so utterly drained, artistically speaking. When will this feeling end? I have all this education, but now I don't want to do anything with it.

I fear that I will never get this passion back.

The Return

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Originally uploaded by Dr Dex.

The doctor is in!

I cannot believe that it has been over a month since my last blog entry. I used to be so much better than this - I enjoy writing and want to keep up with it, so I disciplined myself to write a little each day - Well, if not each day, at least each week. I've just gotten lazy. There is nothing, other than that. My vacation was great, but ever since then, I've just had this "don't care" attitude about everything as of late. I think this just goes along with the idea that I'm just ready to get out and move on - I'm ready for the next chapter in my life - I'm BEYOND ready - I want it to happen NOW.

So, it's Memorial Day weekend and nothing's up. (Not that there always is or anything), but still, there is the desire to get out and do something. The problem, however, is the severe lack of finances in which to do anything. Friday night, I kicked off the three day weekend by hosting one of my semi-regular fondue evenings. I like doing this three or four times a year - Just getting a small group of friends over and having a little intellectual discussion; all while eating and drinking ourselves silly. And last night K and I did something that we hadn't done since being in college in the northeast: We went to a drive-in movie. I had forgotten how much I enjoy them. I had a great time - Just relaxing in the summer air, not having to worry about some shit kicking the back of my seat, watching the ultimate in large screen movies, while chowing down on Taco Bell. I MUST do that more often...

Today is Sunday and, with the exception of my obligatory dinner plans with the in-laws, there isn't anything planned. Perhaps more lounging around is in order - But, as anyone who knows me can tell you, even when I'm being lazy, I'm not being lazy. Sure, I haven't blogged in a while, and I have had an ambivilent attitude towards everything lately, but I still can't get myself to just sit down and do nothing. I'm constantly cleaning the house or making something in the kitchen or doing research on something or fucking around with my computer that has recently decided to stop working... The list goes on and on. Right now I'm looking for something to do tomorrow, and I am reminded of what I used to do when living in the northeast... I used to play trombone professionally. I played in a variety of bands, one of which was a marching band that hired themselves out for parade gigs. I know that this doesn't sound all that lucrative and also doesn't sound like there would be much demand for it, but between summer holidays, fireman field days, and random small town events - I would play between 30 and 40 parades a summer. No, it didn't pay enough to pay the bills, but it gave me a little extra cash here and there. So, I would play two or three parades on Memorial Day weekend, one of them being in the morning of Memorial Day, and then my family and I would pack up some picnic goodies and we'd make our annual trak up to a park on Lake Ontario. It was nothing big or fancy or anything like that, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. It signified the beginning of summer NY - the carefree days of BBQ, beer and hanging out. It was (or at least seemed like) the first day of the year in which it was actually warm enough to have a picnic - and some years, with temperatures in the high 50s, it was a bit of a stretch - but we still did it. And, most importantly, it was the one and only event that my family ever did regularly as a family.