Give Me The Cookie and No One Gets Hurt!

Mood: CRAZY!
Music: Black - Pearl Jam
Cups of Coffee: Not nearly enough

Yes, it is one of those days! Right now I'm in the middle of working one of our last orientation sessions and I have honestly gone beyond the edge of all sanity!

There are roughly 200 students on campus right now, most of whom don't have a clue. Of course, this happens all the time as we get closer to the end of the orientation season: we get students who have no idea of what they're doing or what they want to do, and what's worse and that they don't know this fact. Also, students tend to get weirder. This morning one student complained about coming to orientation because she "had to pump." My thought: "What? Are you riding a bicycle?" Her reaction: "I have to breast pump." Now, really... that's all the student needed to say. After that clear cut description of what the problem was, I could have told her about the many private areas on campus where she could go or, if she felt uncomfortable talking to a man about this, I could have directed her to one of the many women on our staff. But no. This student felt the need to go on. She said, "You know? Breast pump?" and then she acted out a pantomime of taking plungers to her breasts and made loud sucking noises.

*le sigh*

So, lunch time comes... And I really don't know what it is about orientation days, but I am ready to eat an elephant come lunch time on orientation days. It completely freaks me out, because on any other day, I usually just have a small sandwich or a bowl of soup or something, but on days like this, CUT THE CRAP AND BRING ON THE MEAT! Due to dealing with several thousand issues at my main office, I missed the sit-down lunch and had to run to another building where my boss ordered a bunch of box lunches. Believe me, these box lunches are nothing to jump up and down about. They usually contain the following:

A sandwich*
A bag of potato chips
An apple
2 cookies

*Let me describe the sandwich: 2 meager pieces of bread, between which lies a piece of lunch meat and a piece of cheese. The apple lacks flavor, and god only knows what happens to the chips: I open the back only to discover what can be appropriately described as potato chip confetti. It's as if the food service establishment ran over each bag with a Mac truck before stuffing them rather carelessly into the box lunches. In fact, the only thing to look forward to are the cookies. So, I eat my sandwich in two bites, (and no, it wasn't due to the fact that I was hungry, but rather the fact that the sandwich is so small that it take two bites to eat it), and then I dig through the salt, pepper, mayo packet and other superfluous condiments for the cookies. I find my treasure and tear through the saran wrap with a crazed look in my eye and go to take a bite when....

sniff... sniff....

JUMPING JESUS ON A POGO STICK!!! IT'S PEANUT BUTTER!!!!!!

You see, I have this love/hate thing with peanut butter: I love to hate it. But seriously, I needed the cookie that everybody craves... the cookie that outplays Oreo and E.L.Fudge: the coveted chocolate chip cookie!!!!! After a morning like the one I had, it was no longer a want, but a need!!! I went to another box lunch and opened it, looking for a chocolate chip cookie: peanut butter! I opened up another: peanut butter! And another: peanut butter!! After going through some 15 boxed lunch, I finally found the chewy chocolately goodness I had been craving, and it was good! Of course, some poor sap will be out some cookies in his or her boxed lunch, but... oh well. I had to keep the beast down, you know?

At Last... A Summer Day

Now this is what I call a relaxing summer evening! It's warm (not hot) outside with a gentle breeze; I have the windows open and I'm reading Harry Potter (no, not the new one... Order of the Phoenix... I'm a slow reader!); and I'm sipping lemonade. No housework tonight, thank you!

I've waited a long time for a moment like this!

Annoyances

This post was from an older blog I had, but I thought I would share this with the world:

So, I have a little time to myself (amazingly), and I thought I would just write about some minor annoyances that occur on a daily basis around my office. Now, I have written several times in my original blog about the fact that everyone who stops by my office thinks that we not only know everything, but feel that it is their god given right to complain to me about everything and anything in the school, and think that I can do something about all of it. But, quite honestly, I would rather deal with that than these little things that occur like the constant slow drip of a Chinese Water Torture!

One of these annoying things revolves around the placement of my office. My office is right next to the open front desk area and has a large picture window that looks out into the hallway in the student union. Because of this, I call my office "The Fishbowl". I keep a bell at the front desk in case my student assistants are away, running errands and/or I am working diligently at my desk. However, I get two types of people who come up to the desk:

Type 1: People who feel the need to ring the bell until I am standing in front of them, and even then they must think I am deaf, retarded or both because they continue to ring the bell when I start speaking to them.

Type 2: People who must have been attacked by bells as children, because they will do anything and everything to get my attention, but won't even think about using the bell.

Quite honestly, I don't know which annoys me more, but I have to say that the people that fall into the second category amuse me more. Usually someone needing attention will just knock on my window, (which I do find more annoying than the persistent bell ringers), but quite often there will be a very passive person who will just stand on the other side of the window and stare into my office. (The first time this happened, it scared the shit out of me. I was writing a report and looked up and HOLY SHIT! SOMEONE WAS RIGHT THERE, LOOKING AT ME!) But now, I can usually see them on the corner of my eye. But do I jump right up to help them? Nah! I like to see how far they will go: Some will start shuffling books and papers and eventually start clearing their throats, in an effort to catch my attention, while other will start waving their arms and convulse in front of the window. It's simply amazing that people would rather do this than ring a bell, but it really adds a certain amount of spice to my day.

So, okay... the blank stares through my window aren't so annoying as much as they are entertaining, but sometimes I get these same blank expressions from my co-workers. You see, many of my co-workers have an amazing amount of faith in me - to the point that they think I know where everyone is at every second of the day! In their defense, some people tell me where they are going and/or when they will be back, but more often than not, my co-workers will just leave. However, it's not a complete mystery. We all have notice cards on our doors that give a vague idea of what we're doing: they will say things like "MEETING" or "OFF CAMPUS" or "LUNCH" or "GONE FOR THE DAY" or something like that. But these notices are never good enough for my co-workers. They like details. So, when my boss steps out, (as she did this morning), and leaves the note cards that simply states, "OFF CAMPUS", I am usually flooded with questions as to her whereabouts, but like the people who stare through my window, there is some entertainment value. One co-worker will walk into my boss' doorway, stand there for five or ten seconds, (as if to let in sink in that she is not there), and then walk to my office, (right across the hall), give me a really confused look, (as if they had just witnessed my boss evaporate into thin air) and ask, "Have you seen her?"

Nothing Less Than Amazing!

Mood: Happy
Song: Ordinary World - Duran Duran
Cups o' Joe: 1.5 (I'm just getting started!)

Last night I had a dream that I was laying in bed, listening to soft, rolling thunder and the hypnotic white noise of the rain falling on the roof. This morning I woke up to realize that this was no dream! I heard the soft pelting to the rain continue to hit the roof as I opened my front door. Not only is it raining in this dried up dust-bowl, but it is the first morning in a long time that the temperature has been under 85 degrees. In fact, it's a nice, temperate 74 degrees... and what's more: the high today is only supposed to be 81! You have no idea how much I just want to call into work today to enjoy this moment because, hell.... I just know this isn't going to last. It will be a dry 103 day before you know it.

This is such a role reversal. I mean, I come from the second cloudiest city in the United States: Syracuse, N.Y., and I hated it that the sun would show its face only three days out of the year. After living in Las Vegas and Texas for a few years, I have come to understand that I would much rather it be grey and temperate than sunny and hot as hell. I was talking with K and the Nutcase about this yesterday - I remember when there was a time that I actually enjoyed my summers - I wouldn't normally call myself the outdoors type - but I spent a lot of time just hanging out outside when I lived in the northeast, and now, when you step outside, it's as if there's no air!

It's a bit funny to me that most of my ideas of a comforting environment revolve around inclement weather: I like grey, rainy days. I like thunderstorms (outside of Texas, when there is no danger of your house being blown away). And there is nothing like being in your nice, warm house with plenty of popcorn, warm cookies and hot cocoa when it's snowing so hard you can't see across the street! One of my most memorable comforting moments was when K and I were at Oswego, in my dorm room on the 10th floor of Seneca Hall: we had the lights off and we were just there in eachother's arms watching it snow...

and snow...

and snow!

Working for a Living or Living for Work

Current Mood: Introspective
Song: Lightning Crashes - Live
Units of Caffeine: 4
New Favorite Phrase: "Oh my dammit!"

Last night K said something to me in passing that really put me on the pensive side: "I haven't seen you happy in quite some time." It's not to say that I ignore K, but usually I just shrug off things said about me in passing like that. But I really thought about it because, admittedly, I have felt like I've been in a constant state of being in a bad mood. I've noticed that I've been snippy at Lestat for no reason at all and I really didn't know why. I do have a theory, though: I am constantly working! During the academic year, I'm busy with school, work and any theatre/art project that I am taking on and then there is the summer: the busiest time of the year for my office. In fact, use of vacation time is severely limited and even discouraged during the summer. With this kind of a schedule it is easy to see that I have not taken a vacation in two years. Yes, I took four weeks of vacation time to go to Ireland in January, but it kind of defeats the purpose when you're taking the time to just do more work. I cam back from Dublin desperately needing a vacation, but for obvious reasons, couldn't take one. I even decided to be a masochist and start stage managing a show less than a week after I returned from Ireland. But I guess the thing I hated the most after returning was the response I got after saying that I needed a vacation: "Didn't you just spend a month in Ireland?" This response came from the people who knew I was working my ass off mounting a new show over there.

So, six months ago I was in desperate need of a vacation and I still haven't taken one - You can just imagine what I feel like now! Weekends just don't cut it anymore. I come into work on Monday not feeling refreshed, like I should. Instead I have this burning desire to rip out the entrails of those who make the slightest attempt to speak to me on Monday morning. 3-day weekends don't do it either; they just feed my appetite for more time off.

Another thing that I have come to realize is the amount of work that I'm expected to do does not fit the rate of return. I make enough money to make ends meet, and that's about it. And, not to boast or anything, but my boss knows that I am an intelligent multitasker and way overqualified for the position that I have and gives me quite a bit of responsibility - more so than the average Joe that would normally have this job. Whereas I appreciate it that she is thinking of me and such, I really hate (a) having this much responsibility/stress on a daily basis and (b) not getting paid for it. My boss has even admitted that she is going to take away many of the tasks and responsibilities that I do when I leave and someone else takes the position.... and that person will get paid the same amount of money I get paid now.

I hate having these feelings, especially when I normally love my job - I mean it's not meaningless work and it gives me the flexibility to take classes and do theatre - and I could not ask for more support from my coworkers. I just need to get away! I am really looking forward to fall beings here - done with the busy season; done with the heat; maybe living a somewhat normal life (even though I've said that for years now!); and taking a vacation!

Texas Summers

May 30th:
Just moved to Dallas. Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is not working and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid city.

Aug. 8th:
If another wise ass asks - - - "Hot enough for you today?" - - I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug. 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot, humid and sunny. Hot, humid and sunny. Hot, humid and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing now, so my $1700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the damn pool. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?