Backwards & Forwards

Mood: Okay
Song: Dreams - The Cranberries
Units of Caffeine: 1

So, Christmas has come and gone and we're rapidly headed towards New Years. By the way, why is it that so many holidays are packed into the last few months of the year? I mean, the year flows pretty slowly, as far as holidays are concerned, and then October rolls around and you've got Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Saturnalia and New Year's all on top of each other at the end of the year. It kind of remindes me of when I would make sugar cookies topped with M&Ms as a child. I would seriously ration each M&M when I started making the cookies, but then, as I was reaching the ned of the cookie batter, I would realize that I would have a ton of M&Ms and cram as many M&Ms as I could onto the last six or so cookies.

So, as much as this was looking like a hard candy Christmas this year, it turned out okay. By Christmas Eve, I was getting sick of going through the holidays like a pauper, so I took some of the money I received for graduation and splurged a bit: I went to the grocery store and got things for the following menu:

Shrimp Cocktail
Tomato Bisque
Stuffed Lobster
Salt Potatoes*

*A regional thing from Central NY that really kicks ass!

It was a nice, quiet evening for K and me. Christmas day was spent with the in-laws, of course. And, although being around them has the potential to get on my nerves after a period of time; I really didn't have any problems with it. AND K and I received enough money to replace our digital camera. It would have been great if we could have just bought the exact same camera as the one we had. I mean, our camera was only two years old - Okay, fine... I know that technology improves by leaps and bounds every other hour or so, so I was under the impression, at the very lest, we would be getting something a little better than what we had before. What we had was great! It was a Nikon Coolpix 4300, which was great! It was compact, (but not too small); it had the ease of a point-and-shoot camera, yet had the flexablility of a pro camera: we could manually change several things AND had the option of adding different lenses to it. Not surprisingly, Nikon no longer makes the Coolpix 4300. However, I was very annoyed to find out that Nikon doesn't make anything like the Coolpix 4300. The "comparable model" is a watered down, cheap piece of shit! It looks as if Nikon has dumbed their mid-grade cameras down so much that you have two choices:

(a) A watered-down piece of shit
(b) An excellent pro-model that not only has more features than you could possibily want, but at a cost so steep that I would need to take out a second mortgage.

So, needless to say, I was quite annoyed. I thought I had narrowed my camera search down to the brand and simply had to choose the appropraite model. Not the case! I was back to square one with searching several different brands and models - looking at features - reading countless reveiws. Ugh! I am SO thankful that I have this week off from work or else I would have spent so much time researching cameras that, by the time I had picked one out, it would be discontinued! We ended up purchaing a Kodak camera which is very good for our needs. I am still very annoyed that I simply could not buy the SAME camera we had without going to e-bay, (in which case, there is a good chance that we might have ended up purchasing our stolen camera - HA), but we're still very happy with what we got and extremely grateful to those who made it possible. Speaking of grateful - I cannot thank my bro and his boyfriend enough for their generosity, as they will be sending us a new PC in the very near future, making it possible for me to stop fighting with the Mac on a daily basis and continue to waste time... er... em... be creative and keep up with my blog writing.

So... on to the subject of this entry; (which I stole from my playwriting book I used in college). New Years Eve is just a couple days away and I am excited and just a little depressed. Last New Years I was in Dublin, Ireland, and had the best New Year's Eve of my life. No, it wasn't because i got piss drunk, (which I did, of course) - I could do that in Texas for a WHOLE lot cheaper than going to Ireland. First of all, I was involved with one of the best, if not the best theatrical experiences of my life. Secondly, the experience of New Year's Eve in Dublin was one that I have never seen: the comradery; the spirit; the fun; the excitement - It was just totally amazing! It is something that I will do again, except, K will be with me when I do it again.

Looking back at the year, it's depressing to see that I started on such a high note and just went down hill from there. The project in Ireland was the highlight of the year. I was involved in a couple of productions in the spring, but they were either such shit that I don't even include them on my resume, or they were good, but none of my friends and/or family could come see them. The end of spring began the work on my thesis project which was the most amount of work I have ever done on any production - only to have it killed and transformed into the most unworthy, mediocre piece of work in my life. As I neared completion of the work at the end of November, K & I were broken into and robbed. Not soon afterwards we received a collections notice for a bill we had paid over three years ago; (a story that could fill a blog all its own) - I will get into that at a later time - Right now it would just be too large of a tangent.

When looking back on recent events, it makes me very happy to see this year come to an end. We can start fresh on the first of a brand new year. I can also look forward to the new things in store for 2006: new places to explore; new challenges; new friends...

The journey continues....

Holiday Cooking

Mood: Un-excited
Song: Baba O'Riley - The Who
Units of Caffeine: 3

Okay, so My Space entertained me for a while and now I'm back to the real world, (whatever the hell that is.) So, here it is: the week after finals and the week prior to the holiday break, which means it is boring as all hell here. I never thought I would be saying this, but I am actually dying for work - But I must add the disclaimer to say that I am dying for some of my own work, and not anyone else's. This past week, I was given a major project of the financial secretary's. Why is the financial secretary not doing it? Because she doesn't know how to use Excel. Fan-frigging-tastic! Well, I'm almost done with that project - AND my vacation begins at 5 p.m. today, so I'm pretty damn happy. My boss gave me tomorrow off - I know it's only one extra day. but I'm actually glad of this or else I would be banging my head against my desk.

So, K and I began making a gingerbread house last weekend and it's turning out well. Yeah, I know what you're saying: "You started a gingerbread house last weekend and you're still not done!?" Well, first of all, a gingerbread house isn't all that difficult to make, it's just that we're facing all the stumbling blocks that people run into when doing something for the first time. Besides, we were pretty much moving without a compass: We couldn't find a template or anything like that, despite many trips to craft and kitchen stores, so we both decided that, with our artistic abilities, we could design it ourselves. And so we did. Since we were doing this for the first time, we decided to do a fairly basic structure. I drew out a scaled design and then went about drawing and cutting out the wall, roof and chimney pieces. I got a gingerbread recipe off Food TV.com which claimed that it made enough dough for one gingerbread house. Well, apparently the house K and I are building and the house Food TV makes are completely different sizes because the recipe made enough dough to only make one wall of my house. After making a couple of wall pieces, I ran out of some ingredients, so we saved the remainder of the baking to another day.

*Fast forward to "another day"*

We bought more ingredients and made a crapload of gingerbread dough. In fact, we had enough to make other various cutout trees and other decorative things and I still have some dough in my fridge. The actual building and decorating of the thing wasn't/isn't too bad, it's just that, we're doing it amidst our regular work schedule and various social events. So, what would normally take a Saturday or Sunday afternoon is now spread out over a period of a week or so, but we DO plan to have it completed before Christmas day... (even if it means working up until midnight on Christmas Eve); but that is the cutoff point. I am hoping that Santa will help us fund a new digital camera so that we can take a picture of this thing to post on the blog.

And yes.... Despite my colorblindness, I might post a color photograph of it.

My Space

Mood: Thrilled
Song: Nature Boy - David Bowie
Units of Caffeine: 8

Okay, so just yesterday I found yet another way to waste a buttload of time: My Space. I seriously don't know how I missed this thing - I have found more former classmates and lost friends in a couple of hours with My Space than YEARS of pointless subscriptions with Classmates. So, any of you who have lost touch with that friend from high school drama club or some such, screw giving Classmates money to get in touch with people; go to My Space - but WARNING: It's addicting as hell. I have wasted SO much time in the past couple of days just catching up with folks. Well... really, it's not so much wasting time as it is just trying to kill it. I seriously have no idea why the university stays open this week. NO ONE is here, and all of us in my office are just surfing the net; playing cards; chatting; etc...

So.... aside from My Space, has anyone noticed anything interesting on the net that can help kill my time this week?

And Scene...

Mood: Light
Song: Ciara - Luka Bloom
Units of Caffeine: 7

Well, no, it's not the end, but it's the end of this chapter in my life. I went to commencement this past Saturday and although it was boring as all hell, I'm glad that I went. It put a definite period at the end of this concluding sentence. But before I go on to talk about me, let me just say a little something on commencement -- To anyone speaking at commencement: I don't care what you're talking about, but please, please, please, at the very least, sound interested in what you are talking about. The provost spoke for (what seemed like) the longest amount of time and she sounded like the female equivalent to Ben Stein. Then one of the regents board members spoke and started by doing a comparison of graduation and the Patriot Act. OMG! Would it be too much to ask that you don't mention the Patriot Act at commencement. And then the guy concluded his speech by indicating that they would pass out the degrees by saying, "Well, now it looks like we're going to pass out some early Christmas presents. Would you like your Christmas presents?" First of all, thank you sir, for being diverse and assuming that everyone that goes to this school celebrates Christmas, and secondly, unless you plan on paying for all of my student loans, do not call my degree a present.

But... all that aside, I did feel very proud to cross the stage and get my non-degree. (The real ones will be mailed in about four months, but in the meantime, we were all pacified with a ornate scroll that was a letter from the Alumni Association begging for money. Nice.) So, the question arises: "What now?" The good news is that, unlike when I graduated with my undergraduate degree, I already have a job. It pays crap and it's not what I want to do, but it's a job nonetheless, so I don't have to worry that. However, now that I have my Masters degree and now that I am no longer taking any classes, my boss has told me that there are several projects that she wants me to take on. Now, keep that the job position I currently have only requires a person with a GED. I know for a fact, (because my boss has said it) that if I were to leave, the person who would replace me would only do about half of what I currently do.... yet would be paid the same. So, now I feel that I'm being taken advantage of, and now there is nothing keeping me in my job. (I only kept it because it was really convenient for me as a grad student). So, now I'm looking around for other opportunities while, at the same time, trying to find a discrete way of telling my boss that I either want more money or for her to lay off on giving me extra responsibilities for which I don't get compensated.

As for my non-working life... K & I are getting festive and attempting to create a gingerbread house. So far it reminds me of every other Christmas thing. Like putting up lights and Christmas shopping, it's a huge pain in the ass, but I think things will get better once we start actually decorating the thing.... and I've had a few toasted almonds! :)

Congatulations!

Mood: Okay
Song: Everything You Want - Vertical Horizon
Units of Caffeine: 2
Days Until Graduation: 1

No, the header of this post is not a typo, it's what was on the banner for a congratulatory breakfast party in my honor, thrown by my office*. I just have to laugh, because it's really par for the course. Also, my in-laws are kind of freaking out because it's supposed to be cold and rainy tomorrow and Texans are again mentioning the "s" word, which prompts my mother in-law to say, "I just don't know if we'll be able to make it if the roads are bad." I guess what gets me every time the weather gets like this is that my in-laws used to live in NY; they used to go skiing in Vermont every weekend. Driving in slush and heavy snow is not foreign to them, (let alone the two or three flakes that fall in Texas). On top of this, they have an SUV; (something I poke fun at all the time) - But here would be a time where it actually comes in handy, and they're worried about the roads!?

I also found out this morning that my co-workers will not be able to make it for one reason or another - all very valid reasons, of course - it's just a tad depressing that there is a potential that K will be the only one going. I have been told time and again that the ceremony is really no big deal - and almost every I know who holds a graduate degree of some sort didn't attend their graduations. But, I guess most of my friends and family just don't understand how much this means to me. I have mentioned in past posts that I never thought I would get this far, academically, and I have trudged through so much shit to get to this point that I am actually very proud of this accomplishment. I guess I just wish others felt the same**.

* Please note that the banner was created by one of my "not-so-bright" student assistants and not my co-workers.

** This is not meant to dismiss those few who have been uber supportive throughout my graduate degree. I couldn't have done it without you guys & gals.

The Holidays

Mood: Annoyed
Song: Christmas Time Is Here - Vince Guaraldi
Units of caffeine: 3
Days Until Graduation: 2

Gawd! It's been almost two weeks since my last post! Man, does it suck to not have a computer. Of course, there's K's Mac, which I swear has it out for me; and there's the computer in my office, but, up until recently, I haven't had much time to blog during work hours. Even now it's a bit of a challenge because I have an interruption here and there to answer the phone or answer a question at the front desk.

So, the holidays are upon us once more, but this year it's quite different. Of course, it's always different when I'm not in NY on Christmas; it's always hard when K & I are away from family on Christmas Eve & Christmas Day, but we've done it in the past and make things work for us, here in Texas. The difference is that this year it is hard as hell to get into a festive mood. First of all; for some reason I keep forgetting that it's the Christmas season. It probably has something to do with not going Christmas shopping this year or something, but I just keep forgetting. Because K & I have no money to work with this year (thanks to the numb nut who broke into and robbed our house) we aren't able to give this year, and it's effecting us more than we originally thought. Of course, we feel bad that we can't give this year - I never realized how much I enjoy doing it until it was taken away. But we have constantly been put into a position where we are made to feel guilty about not being able to give.

This past weekend, K & I left town for a little bit to visit with family and friends; something we had planned on and purchased several months ago. Aside from a bit of driving and some slightly uncomfortable sleeping conditions, it was a really nice trip - Can't wait to visit again soon. But then we land back in DFW and are thrown, nay, kicked back into reality. First of all, it was rush hour. For any who have not driven in the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex during rush hour, let me tell you - I have driven in many major cities during rush hour, including New York City and Los Angeles, and I have to say that Dallas / Ft. Worth is the WORST! So, as I'm parked on the highway, K responds to her mother's voice mail to tell her we're back. Then the discussion turns to Christmas presents... We have made it very clear to my mother in-law that, because we were robbed, we are unable to get anyone presents this year. This is something that K and I have needed to explain to several people several different times, and I don't understand why people don't understand the phrase: "WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!" K's mother has told us, more than once, to simply use our credit card to purchase gifts; and made the point to indicate that we should buy Suzie Q a gift because Suzie Q bought a gift for us. GAH! I frigging hate this! I will NOT be like every other American and rack up tons of debt just because society says that everybody needs to buy gifts for people at this time of year.

Fast forward to K's workplace; where a few of her co-workers feel the same way: Regardless of your financial situation, you WILL buy gifts and continue to spend money as if it doesn't matter. Apparently, her super was collecting money for a gift for her the office director and asked K to contribute, (even though K has made it no secret that we have no money to spend on gifts, etc.) Her super went so far as to say that she couldn't sign the office card if she didn't contribute any money. Her super also said, "Well, I know that the office director got something for you, so you need to give something in return."

You know, it's not like we're being greedy here, people! We don't have any money. We don't have any money! We don't have any money!! How many times have we got to say it!?!? Also, look at what this implies: "I gave you something, so you need to give me something." Well, if that's the case, then you can keep your fucking gift. I don't want it. This is not to say that I am not a giving person. I am. I just hate getting gifts with strings attached! When that happens, the item ceases to be a gift. A gift, in fact is defined by Merriam Webster as "something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation."

This whole experience of loss has made me truly realize what Christmas is all about, and it has made me thoroughly disgusted by those who don't. I have also been made to feel guilt for not giving this year. Not to the extent that K has, but still, it makes me feel awful. I already feel like shit that I can't give my family and friends presents; that I can't give to the Salvation Army or Toys for Tots as K & I do every year. Then, when someone who knows that I have nothing to give, asks for a handout and makes me feel bad when I can't, I just feel lower than low and it affects me in so many other ways. Because this happens, I feel extremely guilty when I treat myself to something simple like a can of Coke or a slice of pizza. Today I could barely stomach lunch because I felt as if I didn't deserve it. I hate feeling this way. All of this has seriously made it difficult for me to enjoy the holiday season. I have found myself getting extremely pessimistic about Christmas. I used to love it. Now, I just want to avoid it altogether.

It's Over

The month.

The week.

The thesis.

My graduate studies.

This week has been one of the most challenging in a very long time. Monday hit me like a runaway truck and I somehow managed to get through my thesis defense on Tuesday afternoon. After a few edits here and there, my completed thesis was turned in and approved yesterday. A security system was installed in my house on Thursday and the new window was installed yesterday, bringing K and I back to normalcy - minus one or two things, of course.

As you can imagine, this week has been a roller coaster of emotion for me. Of the things that were stolen, the most valuable by far was my laptop computer. Not just valuable as in the value of the laptop itself, but what was on the laptop. I will admit that I was not as good at backing things up as I should have been - So, hundreds of digital photographs; recipes; files; financial information; and yes, even my Master's thesis - gone. Yes, I did back my thesis project up onto a CD, but the CD was in the drive when the computer was stolen. I am VERY thankful that I printed it all out before our break-in. And right now, I am in the process of keying it all back in so that I have an electronic copy.

As for the financial information - It was all password protected, but my fear got the best of me and I changed all of my accounts to ensure the security of my finances. All in all - what a freaking nightmare! I have insurance, but there are so many forms, policies and procedures involved that it will be quite some time before I get any financial relief, if at all. The deductible is SO damn high! In the meantime, since I had to freeze all of my accounts, I have not had any access to my money for the past week. In fact; I still don't. Until new debit cards and such come in the mail, I am living day-to-day on my credit card.

The timing of this is also really bad - The holiday season. Santa Clause came to my house early this year and gave us a new window; a new security system and various other things we needed in order to take care of all of this. But anything else that we wanted; or wanted to give just won't be possible. I fully realize that what happened could have been a lot worse; and I am ever so thankful that K and I; and my cats are safe and unharmed. (Well... my tiny power puff of a cat is actually quite traumatized by the event; but other than that - we're all okay.) I understand this, but it is depressing nonetheless.

Of course, the upside of the roller coaster of emotion is that I have my Master's degree. Not only a Master's degree, but I completed my graduate studies with a 4.00 GPA. I never really did well in high school - I wasn't all that into academics to be quite honest. My apethy towards education even extended into my college career and I failed out of college after the first semester of my sophomore year. I have since come to realize that this event will either make someone or break someone. It was the kick in the pants that I really needed. Needless to say, I changed my entire work ethic; worked my ass off; and proved myself worthy enough to get back into my college, and graduated with a GPA just shy of "with honors." Honestly, that's not bad, considering that my GPA had dipped below a 1.00 during my freshman year. So, I have to say - regardless of all the shit that I had to go through to get this degree; I am quite proud of it and feel quite ready to go out into the world theatre production.

And with that said, I think I am ready to acknowledge the fact that the holidays are upon me and might just begin decorating my house a bit. (No glass balls though. If the cats break them (as they do every year) it will set off the alarm.)

P.S. This change of publishing format, sans picture and "mood intro" will be in effect for a while. I am currently fighting with K's Mac (which was not stolen) and the score is currently:

Mac: 8 Dr. Dexter: 0

Some people say that Macs are the best machines in the world. I am not one of those people. In fact, I like to poke fun at this Mac by pointing out that the burgler took the PC and not the Mac. ;-)