As the Day is Long

Mood: Bored
Song: The buzz of the lighting fixture above me
Units of Caffeine: 4
Days Until Vacation: 88

It's about 3:30 in the afternoon and it seriously feels as if the whole day has passed already - It's going so freaking slowly today. And I state that I'm bored, but don't let that deceive you: I have plenty to do. I just feel like I'm doing the same, boring shit every day now. Wait a minute! I am doing the same, boring shit every day. Well, at least it won't go on for too much longer. Things to do; places to see.

So... I have a little gripe about collections agencies, (since it seems that, out of no fault of our own, K and I have been dealing with them a lot lately). The first instance was due to an error on the part Charter Communications. (K and I are in the process of writing several letters to the Better Business Bureau and the Attorney General about that); and now another one has crept out of hole somewhere. Very recently, K's parents have started receiving phone calls for K from yet another collections agency for yet another stupid bill that may or may not have existed so long ago that there is no possible way that we would have any record of paying it anywhere. So, for the second time in just as many months, we have had the following conversation with a collections agency:

COLLECTOR: "Hello. You owe us $x."
DR D.: "What is this for?"
C.: "It's for a bill from Widgets Inc. from December, 2000."
D.: "Uh... okay. This is the first we've heard of this and it's January, 2006."
C.: "Yes. You owe us $x."
D.: "Well, can you tell me what is was for?"
C.: "It's for a bill from Widgets Inc. from December, 2000."
D: "Thank you. I understand that, but what is it for? What service or good was this bill for?"
C.: "Well, I don't know. But you owe us $x."

Okay, so, granted, the bill isn't for a lot of money. (The same was true for Charter), but it's the point of the thing. Am I completely nuts for wanting to know what it is that I am paying for? The collections agencies seem to think so. While I am on the topic of collections agencies, let me say that they have the worst customer service methods ever. Something I have learned from my brother is to stay as calm as possible and be as pleasant as possible. I have found that people are a lot more willing to work with you if you are like this - Also, I'm sure that this attitude is quite refreshing for the representative working for the collections agency. Well, I thought I was sure that it was refreshing. The true fact of the matter is: the collections agency is always on the defensive whenever we talk with them; no matter how calm and collective we are. It's like this:

DR D.: "He, my name is...."
COLLECTOR: [interrupts] "WHOA! Sir! You are going to HAVE to calm down. I can NOT talk to you when you are THIS emotional."

If I were any less emotional, I would be in a coma. I am also quite pissed at the fact that they automatically assume that (a) K and I are deadbeats and (b) we are both liars. They actually work with the assumption that all are guilty until proven otherwise. Now, I realize that the majority of people they work with do fall within those categories. I was a collector for a while when I first moved to Texas and have witnessed first hand how low some people can be. But I also realize that there are always exceptions. So, this condescending attitude really doesn't fly with me. Especially when I am the one calling the collector back, trying to resolve the issue. I also don't understand the logic. If I am calm, cool and collective and get irritated by how I am being treated; I can't imagine that the same attitude towards someone who is really angry would yield anything by unsuccessful results.

So... now that I'm taking a break from theatre for a while; it seems that life itself wants to continue the drama. And with that, I have successfully killed one hour of my day. 30 minutes to go before packing up and heading home for yet another fun filled evening of doing whatever the hell I want.

Random Thoughts For the Beginning of the Weekend

Mood: WTF!?*
Song: Shine On You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd
Units of Caffeine: 2, and counting
Days Until Vacation: 92

*Yes, it can be a mood.

Today has been a slow morning; it's Friday and I can't seem to get motivated to do anything. I am normally one to wake up sans problems. I hate saying that I'm a "morning person," because I think of a person who jumps out of bed with a huge, obnoxious smile, wanting nothing more than to greet the world with glee.

I am not that person.

I wake up without really feeling all that tired. Other than that, I am not a morning person. All I want to do is sit; drink my coffee; and read the news without anyone talking to me or bothering me. This is why I need to wake up two hours before I go to work. If I were to wake up 30 minutes prior to work and just jump into things, I would probably kill the first person who said "good morning" to me. But this morning was different. I woke up at my normal time and still felt the weight of fatigue, heavy on my eye-lids. Perhaps there was something in the air - Even my cats were curled up, like fluffy pillows, on the bed. (Usually my older cat is sitting in the office, staring out the window while the younger one sits by the sink while I take a shower and helps me make my morning coffee by walking between my legs and telling me what to do with her squeaky meow.) But such was not the case this morning. It was as if I had woken up at 1 in the morning and someone had played some dirty trick on me by setting my clock ahead several hours. But no... it was the normal time.

So, I make my coffee and as I turn the coffee maker on, I realize that I'm out of Splenda. Now, I have read and taken note of the thoughts of sucralose, but I don't care: Splenda is nothing less than fabulous for me right now. I'm on Weight Watchers and allergic to many of the other artificial sweeteners, such as Nutrasweet and Equal; (I'm also not very fond of the common after taste of those sweeteners). Splenda still has a little after taste, but I don't think it's as bad. So, Splenda is a very good thing for me right now. But, I had to resort to good ol' sugar this morning. Ugh! For those of you who are not familiar with how Weight Watchers works, all food is given a point value based on a calculation of fiber, caloric and fat content, and you are given a certain number of points you can eat within a day, based on your weight. A tablespoon of sugar is 1 point, whereas Splenda has 0 points. Since I can get the sweetness I want without spending any points, I look at sugar as wasted points. I mean, imagine if you could buy something you wanted for a dollar or get something similar for free. Which would you take?

That started my Friday morning. I get to work and my office suite smells like a yeti came in and took a dump in each office and smeared it on the walls. However, the rest of the building smells of cinnamon and belgian waffles. (Can anyone explain this to me?)

About ten minutes into my work day, I go to the men's room; open the door to the public rest room; and there sits a man on a knocked over garbage can with his pants down to his ankles, tying his shoes. I quickly retreat into my office and decide to wait for a little while before returning.

Happy Friday everyone.

Another Day at the Office

Mood: Overworked
Song: Dancing Girls and Dancing Men - Robert Pollard
Units of Caffeine: 2
Days Until Vacation: 94

My "to-do" list at work just gets longer and longer.

K & I went to Barnes & Noble the other night just to get out of the house and do something. It's a fun, inexpensive thing to do: to got B&N; grab a cup of joe from the cafe; then proceed to use the bookstore as a library. I am sure that this is not what the CEO of B&N had in mind when creating the cafe and introducing the nice chairs and coffee tables. I'm sure (s)he thought that people would just take time to browse; flip through books and then purchase something. Well... okay... it works, because K always ends up buying something. Anyway, I was reading a book on financial planning and read that most Americans feel as if they are overworked and underpaid. The book said it in a tone that made it seem like those Americans are just whiney brats and should be thankful they have a job at all. So, I started thinking of myself and the situation I am in - I have noticed that, since I've graduated from grad school, my boss has given me a crapload of work. The work that I have been receiving falls under two categories:

(a) Work that should be someone else's responsibility, but since it seems that no one else in the office knows certain, standard MS programs, I get the work.

(b) Specialized work that is way beyond my job description.

I guess I wouldn't mind so much, if I were getting compensated in some way, but I'm not. I have been given responsibilities typical of someone with a college degree; (even some post-bac type work); and yet, I am still only getting paid that of someone with no more than a high school education. I also don't understand this concept of me getting someone else's work simply because they don't know how to use a program. Correct me if I'm wrong, but in the "real world" if you can't do parts of your job because you don't know how to use a certain program you either (a) learn the program or (b) start looking for another job.

...to be continued. (My office has started to get busy).

Good Morning... Now Go F*ck Yourself.

Mood: Barely conscious
Song: Crutch - Matchbox Twenty
Units of Caffeine: 1, so far
Days Until Vacation: 99

This is how I feel: old; unattractive; I don't care; and there's not nearly enough coffee in the world to keep me afloat!

Not too long ago, I made the decision to decline a great opportunity to assistant direct a show at a local rep theatre. For a while now, I have been thinking about that decision and wondering if I had made the right choice - or if I had really shot myself in the ass. Well, last night I came to the firm realization that I had chosen wisely. For the past few days, I have been the lighting crew for a local production of Romeo & Juliet. Here is what my daily schedule looks like:

5:00 a.m. - Wake up
5:30 a.m. - Get up
5:31 a.m. - Commence morning routine: shower, brush teeth, drink coffee, rinse, repeat...
7:25 a.m. - Arrive at work
5:00 p.m. - Leave work
5:30 p.m. - Get home with just enough time to grab a quick bite and change
6:00 p.m. - Leave for the theatre
11:00 p.m. - Leave the theatre
12:15 a.m. - Go to bed after snarfing some food and unwinding just a little bit

I think the only thing that is keeping me awake right now is caffeine, and even now my body is developing an immunity to that! I mean, I'm back to drinking between 8 and 12 cups a day, and I'm still crashing pretty hard. So, this makes me feel very good about my decision to not do anything for a while after R&J closes. (I have even turned down two acting opportunities.)

Not surprisingly, the only thing I can really think of right now is relaxing. Or rather, the need to relax. So, I have started the countdown to my cruise in a few months. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the cruise vacation that K and I were supposed to take last September, no thanks to Rita. Yes, it's this cruise that I have been planning for 15 months now. I haven't talked about it because I was so unbelievably upset when I had to cancel it the first time that I just couldn't get myself to even acknowledge its existence for a while. Even now, it's still on the back burner of my mind. Again, I cannot even begin to tell you all that went into planning that thing, all without K's knowledge. GAH! Okay... now I'm just getting myself upset again. (There's nothing like being tired and cranky in the morning!)

That said, I'm just going to go back into my cave and try not to bite anyone who comes in. Gawd, I wish I could hibernate!

I Really Could Use A Pint!

Mood: Slightly Tired
Song: Retrato Em Branco E Preto - Toots Thielemans
Units of Caffeine: 4

You know it's the beginning of a semester when I go MIA for days on end. The good news, of course, is that I'm not taking any classes. (Yay!) The bad news is that I am swamped with work in my office. (Boo!) I'm busy doing the thing I do at the beginning of every semester: hiring student workers. I really enjoy supervising aspect of my job, but I absolutely hate the process of hiring and scheduling. I think I will miss that part of my job the least when I leave it. On top of my regular work, I have been taking on quite a few other projects that are really keeping me busy. (More to come on that at a much later date, I'm sure.)

Outside of my job, tech week has started with Romeo & Juliet, for which I am on the lighting crew. Um... let me re-phrase that: I am the lighting crew. The SM got the run crew together for a paper tech on Sunday, but we still ran into some snags during the first full tech rehearsal. While I was running the light board, I swear to god that the computer was writing in completely random cues. My cue sheet would indicate that the following sequence of cues: ...13, 14, 15, 16... and the computer showed ...13, 14, 14.1, 14.5, 15, 15.2, 16, 16.3, 16.4... even thought the lighting designer didn't program the additional cues. We would also get random blackouts, (and no, it wasn't due to an overloaded circuit). I think I've worked out most of the kinks at last night's rehearsal, so I can finally actually get into what's going on on stage during tonight's rehearsal. My initial reactions are as follows:

It's long. Yes, even with umpteen-million cuts, the show's running time is a little over three hours long. But, with Shakespeare, I guess that's the nature of the beast.

The acting is uneven. There are a few actors who know how to play the scenes; they completely understand what they are saying and what they are doing; and they are a delight to watch. Then there are those who are very bland or, worse, completely boring - They make the show feel like it is three hours long. Unfortunately, it is not the leads who will sell this show, but the supporting characters, such as the Nurse and Capulet.

Other than Romeo & Juliet and my job; I'm not really doing much. I'm just decompressing a bit from the past year - nay - four years. But don't think I am getting too comfortable - There are many things on the horizon!!

The Doc's New Computer

Mood: Content
Song: All This Time - Sting
Units of Caffeine: 1

So, with the influx of blogging, one can conclude that I have a new computer. Thanks to my ever so fabulous bro and his even more fabulous partner, C, I have a machine that is even better than what was stolen... and it even fits in one room! But seriously, C built a phenomenal computer. You know; that's something that I just can't even fathom: building a computer. To the geniuses like C who can do that; you rock! To those of you who are like me who thinks they know their way around computers - I'd stick with Gateway or Dell. So, with a great new digital camera; an even greater new PC; and several great new programs, I'm ready to take on the world! Well, the World Wide Web, anyway. But let it be known that I'm moving ahead a bit wiser - backing up everything.

So, with the subject of my last blog entry weighing heavy on my mind, I spoke with a few more people about it, including my friend, who is directing the new work at the pro theatre. Like others, he put what I was thinking into focus; but he also offered a few suggestions. He told me that my feeling tired probably stems from one of two things:

It has been so long since I worked on something that truly excited me, and everything I have worked on since has worn me down, in which case it would be good for me to only do something that I am excited about.

I have taken on so much over the past few years that I need to take a break and recharge my creative juices, in which case he suggested that I not do theatre, but instead take time to do things outside of theatre: read some books; go to some museums and/or check out some exhibitions; go to a poetry slam; write more; draw and paint; etc...

Whereas I believe that I fall into both of these categories, the ideas presented in the latter section appeal to me more. Because I was so busy with grad school over the past few years, I feel that I have just been feeding off of myself. I very rarely had time to go out and do/see things within the global scope of the arts and get new inspiration or rekindle that feeling to create something great. I think this is what I'm going to do.

What To Do

Mood: Tired
Song: Come Away With Me - Norah Jones
Units of Caffeine: 4

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine approached me with a really great opportunity to assistant direct a new project at a professional theatre this spring. I told him that I would do it and was very excited about it at the time. Well, I'm still excited at the thought of having a pro credit on my resume; but, truth be told, the thought of doing theatre - any theatre right now just tires the hell out of me. I will soon be running lights for a production of Romeo & Juliet, and the thought of just doing that tires me. I really don't know what's wrong with me - I mean, I should be absolutely thrilled to death and more than willing to jump on the theatre bandwagon, (especially A.D.ing a pro gig); but I'm not. Right now, it would not be too late to pull out of the project; and I am considering it... but I just don't know. I feel like I would be shooting myself in the foot if I don't do it; but I know that if I do it, my heart just won't be in it; and I'm afraid it will show in the final product.

I spoke with K about this this afternoon, but I guess what I also have is this totally unreal thought that this uninspired feeling; this feeling of complete exhaustion over something for which I have such a passion will never end.

Flame Grilled

Mood: Waking
Song: Losing Grip - Avril Lavigne
Units of Caffeine: 0.5

I have lived in Texas for over five years now and I still can't get used to this: It's the first week of January and the temperatures are in the 70's. Hello? It should be freezing. It should be snowing! It just doesn't feel like winter. I guess I should be happy that it's fairly comfortable out, but I just miss the northeast at times like this. I also can't enjoy this weather as much as I could. Because of the dry weather and high winds, all of north Texas is in a Red Flag warning until... well, no one really knows how long it will last, but some are predicting that it will go through the spring. There's currently a burn ban in my county, so any cooking outdoors is out of the question. Outdoor grilling is my favorite thing about warm weather. There's nothing like cooking fajita chicken on the grill or slow cooking pulled pork all day.

Okay, well it's off to work I go. I'll try to blog more today sometime.

F!

FUCK!

I am SO done with being nice about my department! I have decided that, eventually, I will pursue a PhD, if for nothing else, just to be in a real theatre department.

In the latest of the bullshit that I have had to deal with in regards to my department, Chair forgot to complete the paperwork necessary to change my Incomplete for one of the sections of my thesis and it was automatically changed to an F. Sooo, according to the school, I have failed my thesis project and have not graduated yet.

Of course this is a mistake. Of course it can be changed. But I am so bucking sick of things going wrong! I was so pissed off when my project fell through due to a lack of funding. I was annoyed by the lack of support from my department when it happened. I was disappointed by the lack of advisement and professionalism within my department when my project turned to a paper. I am sick of being the one who tells my department what the process is for writing; completing and grading a thesis paper. I shouldn't have to do any of this! I feel as if I am completing the "Do It Yourself" Masters degree.

Happy New Year!

Mood: Slightly Tired
Song: West End Girls - Pet Shop Boys
Units of Caffeine: 2

So, okay, I'm just a touch late on my cue - I think I need a few days to recover and regroup. New Year's Eve was... well, it was a bit of an upset for me.

I'm not too sure why I did this, (perhaps to just re-live my totally carefree days as an undergrad student), but the Nutcase and I came up with this idea of having a "Beer Day." About a month or two ago, K, the Nutcase and I were sitting around watching episodes of Undeclared and one of the plots revolved around the undergrads drinking beer all day, for a couple of days. (Actually, it's a bit more detailed and funnier than that - but I don't want to derail too much. Go to imdb if you want more information. So, anyway, like I said, the Nutcase and I had this idea of doing the same thing one day. I think the general idea was to be in a light alcoholic haze for the entire day. Well, obviously we couldn't do this anytime during the fall semester. I was stage managing a show and dealing with my thesis project and the Nutcase was also stage managing. The idea came about during a recent trip in which we visited a brewery to have this day be New Year's Eve. Great idea! It will just be a small, quiet gathering; and we can just sit around and be mellow for the day!

After we set the date, I started thinking about the details. As I said, the goal was to keep a light alcoholic haze going throughout the day. Well, a problem with me is that I have an extremely high tolerance, and cannot really get buzzed on beer alone. I am also reminded of the New Year's Eve of 2000 in which I made a wonderful, hearty meal of prime rib with several sides for all of my friends - Unfortunately, the meal was SO good and SO hearty that, as much as we tried, we could not get drunk. Hell, none of us could even get that warm alcoholic feeling! So, I made sure that there was beer around, but I also made sure that there were some harder things around to get me where I wanted to be. Also, knowing that we also wanted to serve food on New Year's Eve; I researched food that wouldn't absorb all that much alcohol.

So, New Year's Eve comes - K and I decorate the house with candles and set out plates of food with the anticipation of the arrival of a handful of people. At about 3:00, we were finished setting things up, so I cracked open a beer and remembered that a year ago it was 9:00 in Dublin, and I was just finishing dinner and headed to Yellow. Good times! By 7:00, when people started coming, I was feeling okay, but not even close to the haze that I wanted, so I began playing the role of the bartender and started mixing drinks. The last thing I remember was the arrival of some friends of the Nutcase around 8:30 or 9 - The next thing I remember was waking up in my clothes with a HUGE headache at 4 in the morning. I walked out to the kitchen, where K was cleaning up a little bit. Apparently a TON of people showed up for the party and it was great! I cannot tell you how angry, disappointed and embarrassed I am of myself. Up until that night, I had never blacked out due to alcohol. I may have been intoxicated before, but I was very aware of what was going on. It pisses me off that I totally missed New Year's this year due to my own stupidity. I am so disgusted with myself and so freaked out by the experience that I have decided to go dry for a couple of months. Besides, it segues nicely into...

Diet 2006!

Between the stress of last semester and the holidays, I haven't been too kind on my body, and the scale showed that on Monday morning. So, I'm on day three of Weight Watchers. The good thing is that I never really feel hungry on this diet. The bad news is that, until my body adjusts to these new eating habits, I feel very fatigued. I am trying to combat this with a little bit of caffeine (of course!) and a little exercise. So far, it seems to be working since I am not nearly as tired as I was on Monday.

So, the new year has begun.......