Love & Hate

Mood: Uneasy
Song: None
Units of Caffeine: 3
Days Until Vacation: 61

I talked with my father last night and I’ve booked my ticket: I will be visiting my parents in a few weeks. Normally, I love the prospect of traveling – even if it is back to my home town, which isn’t all that exciting. (I mean, it’s been over two years since I’ve been “home,” and it is nice to go back every once in a while.) But I have mixed feeling about this particular trip. It’s very strange the way I feel because I want to see them – I want to see them, but, at the very same time, I am not looking forward to the crap that comes with seeing them: their apathy; their passive-aggressive behavior; and their general craziness: (my parents both put their work ahead of everything else in their lives, and my mother… well, there’s no other way of putting this: my mother flat out lies about several random things.) I just don’t know if I’m ready to deal with that – Especially when K can’t come with me. My brother has graciously offered to pay for a rental car for me in the likely event that I need to get out of the house. Yes – my parents have vehicles, but nothing I can or am willing to drive: My father has a truck that is falling apart and my mother has a car that she won’t let anyone else drive.

I don’t know why the thoughts on this trip are bothering me so much - I am feeling pulled between a need to see them and an angry frustration over them. I hate feeling like this.

Sick

Mood: Blah
Song: Bombay - Jerry Martin
Units of Caffeine: 3
Days Until Vacation: 65

During the past couple of days, I've been sick... and bored. I hate being sick: I'm uncomfortable and there's only so much daytime TV I can stand and/or so much of the Sims that I can play. So, I'm back at work today - still not feel fully recovered, but good enough to get out of the house and keep from going stir crazy. But, as I sit at work, I understand why I got sick in the first place, and why I just need to put myself in a plastic bubble. Most of my co-workers are also sick - more sick than I was - but instead of staying home and getting well, they choose to come to work. Whereas the dedication to work is admirable; everyone is getting sick and it just keeps on recycling itself around the office.

So, the thought of my parents has just been lingering in my mind for some time now and, truth be told, as much as they piss me off, I would like to see them before my time, energy and money get sucked up into the big projects that lie ahead. Of course, there isn't a snowball's chance in hell that they're going to visit me an K, so I started thinking about the other alternative: going up to visit them. Of course, I hate it that, in order to see them, we have to go up to them every time. I also hate the position that it puts me in: You see, K and I are not exactly in the best place, financially right now, so only one of us could go. I spoke with K about this at lunch today, and it hurt me a lot to have to present the idea of visiting my parents without her with me - But I hate it more that my parents have put me... put us in this position. If they would just stop and think for a moment, they would realize that all of this bullshit would be solved if they just stopped fucking around and visit us for once in their lives.

So, I wrote my father with the idea of me visiting them for a few days next month. If he doesn't write back, I can't begin to tell you what rage will heat up the phone wires between Texas and New York.

Instinct & Emotion

Mood: Emotional
Song: Some renaissance music
Units of Caffeine: 10
Days Until Vacation: 68

Today has been a really strange day – I have been hit with a bunch of random emotions throughout the day – Some have clear cut reasons for their being, while others are pretty damn random.

My Monday started by having a meeting that I really didn’t want to have with a person who works under me. I then opened my My Space e-mail and read a rather lengthy e-mail from an ex of mine from high school. I can’t even remember when I last spoke with her. And before anyone gets any strange ideas, no there’s no rekindling of any flames here: She was a very good friend of mine and our lives have moved on. Anyway… it’s great to hear from her again; but it looks as if her recent choice in guys was perhaps not the best. She is an open relationship with a guy who feels that women are inherently monogamous, whereas men are inherently polygamous. Therefore, a man who decides to get married is only conforming to what society dictates is right, and is ignoring what his instincts tell him. Oh, yes, and my friend is pregnant with this guy’s son.

I honestly don’t even know where to begin, but I was instantly angered at the blanket statement this guy made about men and why they do the things that they do. Also, I think this instinctual stuff is bullshit. I mean, yes, there have been studies that prove what this guy is saying, but it’s breaking things down to their utmost primal nature. But we are not primates. I mean, our instincts may also tell us to go out; hunt; and kill for food – But, I think, rather than killing my neighbor’s dog – (or my neighbor) – I’ll go to the grocery store. I’m also thinking about how I felt when I was in Las Vegas six years ago. I was unattached to anyone in every way possible – and every fiber of my being told me that I wanted to be with one single person; and no, I didn’t feel any pressures from society telling me to be with this one person – In fact, I did almost everything possible to push society away from me during that period of my life.

I’ve also started thinking a bit about my parents, (since a few people have actually asked about them.) Sadly, I can’t tell you what they are doing right now. Because they are such great creatures of habit, I can guess with a pretty good accuracy, but I haven’t spoken with either of them since Christmas. I have become so fucking annoyed with their ambivalence. Ever since I left my home town in the northeast, six years ago, I have tried to get my parents to visit; tried to get them somewhat interested in what was happening in my life. I have failed with each attempt – And with each failure, I just got more and more annoyed and more and more depressed. About a month prior to Christmas, my father dropped a suggestion that they visit for a few days after Christmas. I don’t even know why I got myself hyped up for it – especially with my parents’ history for broken promises – But I did. And, not surprisingly, my parents did not come. Each time I tried to make plans with my parents for them to visit, something would come up. I would be annoyed, but they would be completely valid reasons: financial difficulties; health problems; and unyielding schedules were some of the reasons. But this time was different. This time the only reason why my parents could not visit me and their daughter in-law was that my mother needed to clean her office in my parents’ house. As much as I told my parents about the fact that this was the lamest excuse I had every heard in my life – They insisted that it was perfectly valid. My father, in his infinite wisdom, thought that it would smooth things over if he suggested that they visit in the late spring instead. I e-mailed him asking him how this spring would be any different than any other promise that they had broken. I didn’t hear back from him for several weeks, until I received a stupid copy of a comic strip he e-mailed to me.

I thought of simply not communicating with them until they got the message – But after nearly two months of me being silent, (including not calling or sending anything to my mother on her birthday in January), they still haven’t gotten it. It’s funny: this thing is starting to hurt me more than it’s hurting them. Talk about instinctual – No matter how much my parents don’t care; no matter how much they continue to piss me off; I can’t simply cut them off from my life.

The Things You Say

Mood: Okay
Song: Baroque Samba - New York Voices
Units of Caffeine: 2
Days Until Vacation: 72

Unfortunately, my anger from the previous day's events hasn't really subsided; but today is an okay day. After two days of falling off the diet wagon, I'm back on track; my work load isn't too bad today; there's one day left until the weekend; and the weather is really nice here. (Now if there only weren't that freaking burn ban, I could make my turkey burgers outside - Mmmmm.)

As we all know, the internet contains a seemingly infinite number of ways that we can all waste our time. This morning, I found another! You see, I have a great past time: people watching. No, this is not to say that I'm some perv who enjoys peering into other people's houses and apartments. Call it a fascination in sociology, but I really enjoy sitting in a park or an airport or somesuch and just watching people: how they act; what they say; etc... Sometimes I find myself in a situation where I hear something that is so obscure, disturbing or funny that I think that life is stranger than fiction. I am reminded of a scenario in which some friends were walking out of a grocery store before going to the New York State Fair and heard the following dialogue:

LITTLE GIRL

Daddy?

DADDY

WHAT!?

LITTLE GIRL

Can I have a drink of water?

DADDY

SON OF A BITCH!


Apparently there are others like me who enjoy such touches of eavesdropping, because I have found some sites dedicated to the subject: Overheard in New York and its sister site, Overheard in the Office. I have put permanent links to these sites on my side bar for a quick link, because... well, they're that good.

%$@#!

Mood: PISSED OFF!

So, I'm looking into doing a really good internship program at a rep. theatre and I need a couple letters of recommendation by March 15th. Because of some turnover within the department, there are really only two people in my graduate department who are qualified to write these recommendations, the Chair being one of them. She has flat-out refused to write one because she "doesn't have time."

GOD DAMMIT, DO I HATE MY GRADUATE DEPARTMENT!

Slow News Day?

I just went to CNN.com and saw a featured article on Hand Washing: A Simple Way to Prevent Infection. I don't know whether to laugh or cry if this is news to some people.

Lobster, with a side of Marshmallows

Mood: Somewhat tired
Song: I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For – U2
Units of Caffeine: 3
Days Until Vacation: 73

So, yesterday wasn’t bad. It pretty much exactly as planned: I took half the day off from work to go to Central Market in Ft. Worth to get all the fixings for dinner; went home; picked up K; we both fixed dinner; watched the Olympics – it was nice.

So… my trip to Central Market… For anyone who doesn’t know, this place is a foodie’s wet dream. It has fresh produce from everywhere; a fishmonger who knows what she’s talking about; a wine expert; a great deli; a bakery to die for; and is just filled with all of these amazing, unique foodie things. Every time I go, I don’t spend any less than an hour and a half in the place – even when I’m just there to pick up one or two items. (Of course, since it’s an hour drive, I always buy more than one or two things.) Also, due to the distance, I only go about two, maybe three times a year. I always think it’s a huge pain in my ass, but, after I go, I am always reminded of why it’s worth the trip.

As I wrote in a previous entry, K and I had planned on making a seafood dinner together for V-Day. I normally go to the local grocery store to pick up a couple of lobsters, but (a) We wanted to get some clams, (which none of the local stores have), and (b) I was sure that the lobsters at C.M. would be better. The fishmonger at C.M. was great! She knew exactly what she was talking about with everything I asked for and I got two 3 lb. lobsters! (Yeah – It wasn’t cheap by any stretch of the imagination, but worth every stinking penny!) I also picked up some shrimp for scampi and made my regular rounds around the place, “Ooo-ing” and “Ah-ing” and all of the amazing things. As always, I couldn’t leave without picking up a loaf of some fresh bread and a bottle of dipping oil. I also stumbled upon some gourmet marshmallows. (Every time I say this to someone, I get the same response: “Gourmet marshmallows!?” – As if to say, “what the fuck makes a marshmallow “gourmet”?) Believe me; I’m not one to jump up and down about marshmallows either. To me, they are what they are: cylindrical puffs of sugary sweetness – Not great. Not bad – Something that makes hot chocolate sweeter and s’mores the campfire favorite. But these looked different – There was something about them that drew them to me. First of all, the obvious: they were not cylindrical, but square. They were also bigger. Much bigger. As I was drawn to the small bag of gourmet goodness, I noticed what was sitting next to the bag – OTHER gourmet marshmallows in a variety of other flavors. Although I was intrigued by every flavor they had to offer, none was more intriguing than the chocolate gourmet marshmallows. My curiosity got the best of me and I picked up a bag of the chocolate mallows and a bag of the regular, (just in case the chocolate mallows were a complete disaster.) When I got home, I put the crustaceans away and began unloading the rest of the goodies from C.M. I picked up the bags of mallows and, although I wanted to surprise K with them, I opened up the plain bag of mallows. I ate one and fell into a state of shock at the fact that a marshmallow could taste SO damn good! In fact, it didn’t taste like a marshmallow at all – it was sweet and airy, like a marshmallow, but tasted… well… BETTER! When K got home, we opened the bag of chocolate marshmallows and, Oh. My. God. Nothing should taste that good! It just goes to show that everything from that store is nothing less than amazing.

The dinner came out great as well, but we really overshot. Because K and I have been dieting for over a month now, we’ve pretty much shrunk our stomachs. We only ate the clams and the stuffed lobsters. We didn’t even have room for my planned dessert. And, whereas we didn’t overstuff ourselves, we got pretty tired from our work making the food and from eating that we pretty much just went to bed and fell asleep soon after we ate and cleaned up. But it was still a very nice evening.

So… a few other thoughts that have crossed my mind lately –

The Olympics:
I am really not into sports and I am SO not an athlete, but I really like watching the Olympics. And I REALLY love the winter Olympics; much more so than the summer Olympics. (K & I have already decided that we’re going to the 2010 winter Olympics in Vancouver.) But this year, there’s really nothing exciting about the winter Olympics. It just seems to be a dud, the way things are going.

The Vice President:
Okay, tragedy aside, is there anyone else out there who just thinks this whole thing is pretty freaking funny? Of course, it’s being handled poorly, but does that really surprise anyone?

The Weather:
I am SO sick of it being warm and dry here!! It’s supposed to be close to 80 degrees here today. I would seriously kill for a plane ticket to the northeast or northwest right now for some insanely cold, damp weather!!

Mood: Caffeinated
Song: Maybe I'm Amazed - Paul McCartney
Units of Caffeine: 4
Days Until Vacation: 74

I'm a little annoyed at Blogger right now as it's been a real bitch about me posting pictures these past few weeks - and so, I can't continue with my black and white theme. So, I will have to forgo the illustrations for a while.

So, Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! In light of the nice dinner (and dessert) I will be making with K this evening, I have made the decision a few weeks ago that I would be off the diet today. Well, it seems that everyone got word of this as I arrived to my office to a couple of chocolate cupcakes and a box of candy on my desk. Not a half hour later, one of the guys who works upstairs from me came in and gave everyone massively huge frosted sugar cookies. As I told a couple of my friends this morning; I said I was taking a day off from the diet, not raping the shit out of it and beating it to the floor! So, I've had a few nibbles here and there; but for the most part, I've been very good about letting these things go.

Valentine's Day or VD?

Mood: Happy
Song: Random music playing in my office
Units of Caffeine: 4
Days Until Vacation: 75 days

So… February 14th is upon us. It’s a day of passion, love, pressure, depression and a day where Hallmark and Hershey’s must make the bulk of their annual revenue. For years and years I remember wishing that the day be removed from the calendar. I was either feeling extremely depressed for not having a date or under great deal of pressure to make the day feel special to my significant other. Thankfully, I don’t feel the pangs of either emotion this year. In fact, I have just become so disgusted with the whole V-Day ritual of “the special night out” that I have decided not to do it this year. (Understand that this doesn’t mean that I’m going to completely ignore the day – I think I would be in the proverbial dog house if I did); but I’m bringing it back home to it’s roots.

I think one of my most memorable Valentine’s Days was during the first year I was dating K. We were both in college and both broke. (Actually – I wasn’t even in college as I was recently disqualified, which, as you can imagine, made that particular winter a lot less joyous.) But, I digress. The main point is that we were pretty damn poor. So, I drove up to the campus; went to the local Blockbuster and ordered a pizza from our local pizzeria. And there we were: With each other, sitting on the carpet, watching movies and eating really good pizza. I know it probably sounds ghetto, but it was really quite romantic.

Over the past few years, we’ve done the stereotypical date out thing and, with only one exception, they all pretty much sucked. One year, several years ago, we went to a supper club with a live jazz combo and vocalist – It wasn’t crowded at all; the food was great; and the atmosphere was really cool. We even got up on the non-crowded dance floor and had a few slow dances. It was a great evening! And it has been a downhill ride ever since. One year, K was in rehearsals for a show. I got dinner together; cleaned our apartment and lit candles. But, for some reason, the director chose that particular night to keep rehearsal going until an abnormally late time. Another year, we went to one of our favorite Italian places. We quickly found out that ANY time of the year OTHER than Valentines Day, the place is quiet, intimate and great! On Valentine’s Day, however, the place is loud, overcrowded, and the waiters are rushing around so much that we couldn’t relax. It was during this dinner that a cart of dirty dishes kept being places right next to our table; the appetizers were served cold, (to which the waiter responded: “You want me to nuke it for ya’?); the entrees were wrong; and, the grand finale, the table next to our collapsed, spilling food and breaking dishes. It was at this time that I just asked for the check and we went home. Last year’s dinner out wasn’t as bad, but still had some flaws of the place not feeling relaxed and having to deal with other people’s stupidity.

So, K and I have decided to just bring the whole day back home… literally. We’re collaborating in the kitchen, and the both of us will be creating a wonderful seafood dinner, including stuffed lobster and shrimp scampi and, of course, a chocolaty dessert of some sort. It will be casual; relaxed; we’ll be together; we won’t have to deal with anyone (save for two cats); and the food will be fabulous. I think this is what Valentine’s Day is supposed to be like.

Death & Taxes

Mood: Annoyed
Song: Unwell - Matchbox Twenty
Units of Caffeine: 3
Days Until Vacation: 79

Yes folks, it's that time of year again. I realize that it's only February, but I'm not one to sit on these things. I would rather just get my taxes done and out of the way. So, I did as I always do and went out to my local office supply store and bought the tax software that I've always been happy with: Turbo Tax, by Intuit.

I first bought tax software in the spring of 2002 just to see if it made my life easier in any way and holy SHIT, did it! I honestly don't know why people do their taxes the "old fashioned" way, ESPECIALLY in light of some new developments from certain tax software companies that now offer free software and free e-filing for people who earn less than $50K a year. Anyway... I went out and bought Turbo Tax, (as I do every year) and settled myself in font of my computer with my book o' receipts and tax information on one side of me and a glass of wine on the other. (Hey, who says that doing taxes has got to be totally painful?) So, I open up the Turbo Tax box; take out the CD and notice that the box is missing one or two things. You see, one of the things that I really like about tax software are the numerous rebates you can possibly get; one of them being a rebate for e-filing.

You see, I have a slight problem with e-filing. From my dealings with a few local, state and federal web sites, I've noticed that the government has been a little slow in catching up with the computer age; and there is still quite a bit of tree killing going on out there with the amount of paperwork the government forces upon the U.S. citizen. But e-filing came along, (and I normally don't praise the IRS), but I give them two major thumbs up for this! It's faster; It's more accurate; It saves time and energy on behalf of the IRS; and, if the tax payer wishes to pay for taxes with a credit card or receive the refund via direct deposit, there isn't a single piece of paper that is exchanged. I love e-filing and the IRS loves e-filing so much that they are doing their damnedest to get more Americans to do it. So, if it's so much easier; less wasteful; and the IRS wants more people to do it; why is there an e-file fee? I have a big problem with paying a $15 fee for something that, in my opinion, should be free. Although paying the e-file fee is a hot button issue with me, it was never really an issue because Turbo Tax, (and pretty much all the other tax software products), always offered a rebate on it. So, I didn't mind paying the fee and just waiting a few weeks for the software company to mail me a check for the amount. This brings us back to me; sitting there with the opened Turbo Tax box, looking for the appropriate rebate paperwork. Thinking that the fine folks at Intuit forgot to include the rebate form with the software, I went to Turbo Tax's web site to get more information. What I found royally pissed me off. Here is the statement Intuit put on their Turbo Tax web site in regards to rebates:

Put simply, there are no rebates for Turbo Tax 2005 products. We hope you‚’ll breathe a sigh of relief over that fact. In previous years, you might have had to send in three rebate forms to get money back on federal and state products, or for e-filing. Not anymore.

Having to keep track of all those slips of paper was challenging even for us, and we’re tax pros. We know most of you just want to get your taxes done quickly and not have to do the extra work involved in mailing a rebate form. After listening to many customer complaints, we changed our policy.

I hate it when companies do this! That is, I hate it when they make a change that quite clearly benefits them and quite clearly screws the consumer YET they make it sound that it is for the consumer's convenience. Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining! As for "listening to many customer complaints"... Turbo Tax has an optional survey/feedback form that I have seen with their software. I have completed it every year, and I seem to remember some questions regarding their rebates. What I feel has happened is that, whereas the consumer enjoyed the rebates, the might not have liked all the paperwork that went along with it. I am almost certain that the average Joe/Jane would have preferred the solution to be that Intuit find a less complicated way of handling the rebate procedure, (although, I will admit that I never found it complicated. In fact, I had no problems with it at all. I'm just speculating how other people might feel about this.) So, I'm assuming that no one in their right mind disliked getting money back. Who the hell doesn't like that? I think it's more plausible to say that the consumer didn't actually like the means of getting their money back. Then I think some corporate idiot at Intuit looked at the data and concluded that consumers didn't like the rebates; (of course, making Intuit's job a lot easier because they no longer have to deal with them). Wait a tick... Did I just say that Intuit no longer has to deal with rebates? Of course I did; because Intuit clearly stated that "there are no rebates for TurboTax 2005 products." But wait.... almost immediately after Intuit makes the bold claim there there are no rebates, (for your convenience, of course), the state the following:

While we‚’ll no longer have rebates for Turbo Tax, you can still use your Quicken rebate to save $30. That‚’s an incentive for you to try another one of our great products and we hope you‚’ll take us up on it.

Excuse me. How can you just say that you're not doing participating in any rebate plans because of how much of a pain in the ass it is and then say that you're offering a rebate? Oh, I know why... because Intuit wouldn't profit from offering an e-file rebate, but they would profit for offering a rebate on one of their products. So, lesson learned: Just like tax laws; the software procedures change every year. So, I should do my research. But, for those of you out there who haven't done their taxes yet, please learn from my misfortune and do not waste your money on Turbo Tax. Turbo Tax's main competitor, Tax Cut still offers the e-file rebate, AND, if you have an adjusted gross income of less than $50K, they have online software that you can use for free and e-file for free.

In the meantime, yours truly used the Turbo Tax software; printed the paperwork; and mailed it off yesterday. Call me stubborn, but I flat out refuse to pay for that stupid e-file fee.